Turn it upside down

A little over a week ago one of my NLP (neuro linguistic programming) group of friends came across a web site that was entitled "The 7 Steps to Highly Effective Hating!"
They had found it at the web site: http://www.pe2000.com/NLP_model_hatred.htm

The seven steps are:
Step 1. Look through your own eyes only
Step 2. Keep it simple with 'black-and-white' thinking
Step 3. Avoid being objective
Step 4. Carefully select your evidence
Step 5. Avoid critical thinking
Step 6. Talk! Don't listen!
Step 7. Goad them into over-reacting

Now this all looks like a bit of fun, and it is, but how many of us take some or all of these steps until we realise that we are doing it! I am commited to being aware but there are times I catch myself doing one of the hating steps. Stay aware and stop as soon as you notice yourself taking any of the above steps.

As a positive exercise our NLP group decided we could go through the above steps and turn the whole thing on its head and therefore come up with "The 7 Steps to Highly Effective Loving!"

I made notes at the time and have since mislaid them, so I will do this from memory.

Step 1. Look at the world through others eyes as often as you can.
Step 2. Think wisely and allow yourself to see all sides.
Step 3. Work at being objective and seeing things through others perspectives.
Step 4. Select from a broad range of evidence.
Step 5. Allow your thoughts to be swayed by others point of view.
Step 6. Listen and find out what others are thinking and meaning.
Step 7. Ask honest and open questions in a non judgmental way.

I think you can see how this simple exercise can direct us toward a better way of living.

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Events and what you think they mean

When some thing happens to you or an event takes place that affects you, it is how you think about the event and how you feel it affects you, not the event itself that makes you feel a certain way.

The next time something happens to you and you react in a certain way ask yourself why you responded that way. Think about different meanings the event could have? Why did you choose the one you did?

You find very quickly that there are several different interpretations you could have put on the event. You see the meaning of the event it is not written on a tablet of stone. The event can be interpreted different ways.

I think you have a choice. You may go straight to the meaning of an event because you usually respond that way. Say for example something as simple as a friend not returning a call. As soon as a certain time has elapsed you start thinking that the friend in question no longer values the friendship. You begin to run negative scenarios through your mind "they always respond to so-and-so, it’s just me they don't like..." In actuality it may be that the friend has gone away for the weekend and returns your call when they return. The event itself is neutral it is the way we interpret it that gives it meaning.

It tells us a lot about ourselves so the next time something happens be aware of your reaction. Ask yourself why you reacted that way and what other alternative explanations might there be to a particular event.
You might just surprise yourself.
The next step is to see the event as neutral and either interpret it so it is useful to you, or just don't attach a negative response to it. I'll talk about ways of doing that at some other time.