Just a feeling

Sometimes you don't have to mind about not winning, if to win means going in the wrong direction.

I want to live

I want to live.

I want to live where the colour of the skin and where you have come from doesn't matter.

I want to live where war is not a solution and the past is not glorified.

I want to live where power is not abused and I want to live where the poorest are respected.

I want to live where dogma is not dominant and ideas flow freely.

I want to live where meeting people is always a pleasure.

I want to live where my neighbour smiles whatever their background.

I want to live where the elephant in the room is only an elephant in the room, and every conversation is only just what it is.

I want to live where personal views are only personal views.

I want to live where there is no hidden agenda, where you and I can say what we mean.

I want to live where the sun shines out of a blue sky 50% of the time.

I want to live where things that go wrong are not the end of the world.

I want to live where human beings do not hide in denial of mortality.

I want to live where illness is cared for and not just barely paid for.

I want to live where doing business is not a reason for doing the wrong thing.

I want to live where disagreements are understood not vilified and turned into hate.

I want to live where us and them doesn't exist.

I want to live where 'optimist' is not a rude word to be sneered at with scepticism.

I want to live where a diverse world is a reality, not a monoculture of ideas and nature expected.

I want to live where trees are free to grow not just because they are an economic asset.

I want to live where sharing is not considered stupid and naive.

I want to live where the pursuit of heightened experiences are understood for being just that.

I want to live where, if we have to have a god, that it is not just part of an economic balance sheet.

I want to live where being fed up is replaced by awe with what we already have.

I want to live where laughter is natural and heard often.

I want to live where paying taxes is ok because it benefits everyone.

I want to live where sensitivity is not considered crass or impractical.

I want to live where passion is not replaced by neurotic fears that inhibit our real feelings.

I want to live where the shit jobs are made better and the word 'lazy' is no longer used against people who want to do them less.

I want to live where my personal resistances do not interfere with your personal aspirations.

and

above all I want to live

here, and now.

...and still man hates and kills

One is constantly worrying how one can change what is going on in the world and yet it seems that we do this whilst still remaining in conflict within ourselves even if we come up with so called solutions.

The birthplace of the aggression in the world surely comes from within us - the inner becomes the outer, which is the outward aggression we see all around us. 

If we change the inner so no conflict arises there, the same question no longer resides so we can stop asking how we can change the turmoil in the world into peace. 

The inner becomes the outer. The question becomes action. 

All the time we do not change the same question persists and nothing is resolved and the conflict and sorrow continues. 

If we can have inner peace we will surely have outward action and the anxiety of the question of how to change the world ceases. 

 

today is world humanitarian day

Nearly every day of the year is marked by being a special occasion. Some days are made a lot of and others slip by hardly noticed. It seems there are always events tugging at us to respond. The latest atrocity, the most recent gross unkindness, the most horrific explosion. One day we are upset by this event and a couple of days something else demands our attention.

What are we to do? We cannot fix everything, we cannot change the hearts and minds of other people carrying out these acts of human destruction. Are we lost, always left with the role of victim, as these continuous streams of endless events attack our senses.

How have we as human beings come to this? What is it that drives us to such devastating activities; such murder and total destruction?

Is one person, group, nation, sect, class, religion more violent, more hostile, than the rest? What are the corrupting influences that turns people into having no regard for other human life. What is it in most of us that demands we have the best of everything and somebody else can have what is left?

What does it mean to be human? Does it mean that each one of us should be all powerful and the person that is not 'me' have less? Do we see that our upbringing, our education and our society teaches us this; whether as a selfish individual in order to be competitive, successful, or as a society and nation to protect one's way of life and interests. You see we have ended up thinking that being the most important individual in the group is good and so we strive for this individual excellence as if it must be attained at nearly all costs. We ignore the fact of the aggression and competition required to push other people out of our way as we strive to become important. Why do we strive so hard for this recognition? This sense of power without which we think we are unimportant.

What is it to be unimportant? Is it despair, to be cast forever as the victim, without hope, meaningless and in order to avoid these feelings we pursue their opposites so we think we can escape these feelings without understanding them. Perhaps being unimportant can open up self awareness, open one's eyes to seeing the world as it really is; to see the conditioning we have all been subjected to. For the first time perhaps one can see the fear and insecurities driving us all into this world of comparison, ambition envy and hate. Surely these are our attributes that lead us into the problems of the atrocities in the world. It isn't the 'bad' people 'out there' but the blind assertiveness we all have that states that I am more important than you, I am right and I am going to stop you by being more powerful, and by controlling what you can and cannot have I stay safe, because I fear you. I don't understand you therefore I don't trust you because deep down inside I fear you maybe the same as me and I do know that I want to be the most powerful so it does it follow that if I do not suppress you, you will do the same. Is this not the real reason we are locked together, all of us, in aggression towards one another?

Perhaps this will get us no where and we may then realise that true understanding of our enemies' desires, as well as our own, will lead to complete co-operation. Until there is a revolution in each one of us, which is not about condemning the other, there will be the same headlines flooding the media demanding our reaction and keeping us blaming an enemy we can do nothing about as individuals.

Emptiness

That low level, often suppressed feeling of emptiness is especially intense if one compares oneself with others and their seemingly fulfilled lives. One observes their activity, their exclamation of how great everything is for them.  Beyond their words, however true, one starts to compare and one becomes envious and bitter.

Watch for yourself, see what happens.

Perhaps behind their affirmative rhetoric of how great life is for them there is still the nagging emptiness that they are trying to drown out will all manner of mental tricks and tactics. They may no more understand that sense of isolation, of emptiness, than anyone else feels whatever they may say.

Emptiness is not to be confused with negativity or depression.

The envy, bitterness, isolation and the sense that everyone is having a better life than you, is instilled early in all of us and whilst we are telling everyone what a great time we are having we all still have this nagging feeling that gives us a sorrow we are at the moment calling emptiness.

The bitterness that emanates from envy when one compares ones life with others so called more successful lives devours compassion, drains energy and fills ones life with conflict as you try to become more like the people to envy by copying their ways. There is no solution in this action and the conflict within one grows, festers, leaving one with little energy for life as it actually happens, moment to moment.

So far, in summary, most of us feel empty. We look at other peoples lives and they say they are fulfilled and we usually say or lives are great when people ask us. Feeling empty, as if something is missing, we become envious of other peoples seemingly successful lives and from this envy arises bitterness from the sense that we are somehow 'missing out' on the 'good life' that, if others, are able to achieve, why not ourselves despite our outward attempts to make everything look at if it is going well.

So we deny or run from this vague feeling of emptiness. We never stop to look at it, to understand it because we have labeled it as unwanted, bad, to be got rid of somehow. We fill our lives with all manner of activity to kill off the unwanted feeling, the uncomfortable that we do not want to experience. So instead of spending energy to understand with scurry away in the opposite direction always making sure we are too busy to give this feeling of loneliness or emptiness as we have called it here any attention.

If we stopped to look at this feeling of emptiness instead of being in fear of it, what would we find? Is it so terrible that we need to deny and run away from it or is there a quality about emptiness that we have never taken the time to understand? Why have we given the feeling, the word “empty“ with its the fearful label and its negative connotations?

In emptiness, or rather the feeling we have labeled with the word, there is beauty, freedom, silence and peace. This feeling allows action that is not conditioned because the mind does not and cannot work with emptiness. It flows naturally with life; it facilitates awareness because there is no chattering mind to distract it. In emptiness there is nothing to stop truth arriving.

When we are feeling non-empty, when we are being busy, noisy, becoming, achieving, endlessly thinking and all the rest of our current lives are we completely unable to perceive the truth.

Because we have not stopped to observe our unease about this empty feeling we experience, we are still anxious, lonely, neurotic even depressed though we have worked hard at trying to stop the nagging feeling by having such busy lives. Our sorrow and conflict is increased as we try harder to escape the feeling we have labeled as unpleasant.

In emptiness there is no bitterness because there is no envy. Where there is no comparison there cannot be any envy and there is no comparison in emptiness. Only in denial, the running away from emptiness is there the angst of feeling hollow and let down by a meaningless life.

Emptiness is life and in that truth can freely flow because there is no motive, no effort. Action is pure and is love.

Should I want to impress you?

Many of our motivations in life come from deep seated desires that are drivers in our lives. What are these desires and where do they come from? Can one see and watch these desires acting in our lives or is one much more concerned with pretending we are only driven by so called high-minded and social ethics and morality that are acceptable to ourselves, and what we think others will like to see emanating from us?

Is not the problem here that one's ideals are not what is actually going on inside of us so we are in conflict. 'I should not be this, I should be this'. 'What I should be is not actually what I am, so hence I am in conflict'.

We are making judgements; the ideal we want to achieve and become, is good and what we actually are with our greed, ambition, resentment, jealousy selfishness and all the rest of it, is bad.

This is what we are doing in our lives. We have decided what is good and what is bad rather than just looking at ourselves and seeing it all without judgement and comparison. These notions of good and bad, right and wrong are passed round the society or group we are in and conformity is expected. One conforms for whatever reason and conflict follows. The ensuing battle within ones self  goes something like 'I want to feel part of this group or society and be accepted'. 'I do not want to feel outside of the group so I had better conform despite my reservations and inner conflict; it is better to be accepted than it is to worry about my particular reservations, after all we need to belong don't we?' This seems to be true whether we are talking about  nationalism, a particular religion or some smaller grouping.

So for many of us we not dealing with the reality of what we are, but we are trying to fit in to someone else's idea of what we should, be whether we have read things that tell us how to be, or whether we are conforming to what we think others expect of us.

Have you looked at your motivation driven by your personal desires and seen that many come from the fear of isolation, of being rejected and of death? Have you noticed that you want and desire something, whether it is a relationship or money and from that moment when the desire is recognised you start to think of ways to get what it is you desire? Where does desire come from? Does one think one's life needs more, some improvement. If that is the case then one is surely thinking that ones current life has something missing and by acquiring more, the missing things in ones life will disappear and ones life will be a success with endless fulfilment. So we end up trying to escape from what we truly are without understanding ourselves, and without this understanding how can we possibly take the right action to end conflict?

Do we then not have to understand what are our deep desires without judgement by observing them as they arise and move, however we have labelled them in the past either personally or by society?

Watch how you are driven to impress your boss at work but are much less respectful to someone doing what is considered by society a more menial task. Watch how you are much more engaged in the conversation  with someone you desire sexually than you are with someone you want nothing from. Watch all the things we do and say to gain favour and acceptance from those we want to impress and gain from. This is self awareness and it moves from moment to moment.

There is nothing to change until one knows what one is motivated to do at the deepest level because all change without real understanding is merely endlessly trying to think oneself out of the conflict one is in and how to escape from it rather than look to at the reality of it.

An election in a small Country in the northern hemisphere

Most of us have been conditioned to make money for someone else in order that we can survive. This state of affairs is continued through our fear of insecurity and the propaganda that plays on our fears. This, it seams, is the role of the corporate media and the political mainstream. Of course there are worthwhile things to do and we can work at these but the mantra that everything has to be reduced to financial economics is part of the conditioning.