Wholebeing

I want to introduce you to a useful personal reality born from a concept I have been thinking about for sometime. I am calling it "Wholebeing".

I have often wondered why we look at individual aspects of ourselves rather than the whole. When I think of the whole I think of our physical, emotional and spiritual components. I do not experience them as being separate so why would I want to treat them separately. When I experience fear there is a tightening of my stomach and urgency in my brain. Both my emotion and my body are acting to work out a resolution. My body and my mind are deciding what to do.

All three feed each other. If you are physically fit you are more likely to be taking the action that helps your emotional health. If you listen with awareness to your true self at the spiritual level you will be more likely to feel content with your life. This will enable you to be emotionally happier and your physical wellbeing healthier.

There is something called Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs; you may be familiar with it.

Notice that it talks about Physiological security at the bottom and works up to what Maslow calls Self-actualization at the top. I see the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of being human all represented in the above diagram so you can usefully see it as a diagram of "Wholebeing"

In a nutshell then "Wholebeing" is a unifying theory to have a healthy, happy and meaningful life.

I will be relating my ideas about "Wholebeing"  as time goes by.

Not broken

We are extraordinary beings. The world of celebrity, reaching us through the various portals of the media, put us in our place making us feel inadequate, unattractive, stuck where we are and thinking that we can never reach their dizzy heights.

Who really are these super humans? How is it we are told that they have everything and we can only just look on weakly? Well, as if you didn't already know, they are just the same as you and me. They have good and bad days, emotional highs and lows and are here experiencing the same things as we do. There is no real separation between us and them. Everyone of us is unique.

So why look on with such longing. Why read about their glamorous life’s when yours is just as fascinating.

Some well known people have done extraordinary things and I know plenty of 'ordinary' people (I don't think anyone is ordinary) who are doing extraordinary things. In fact I suggest that if you did not have help getting to the top with money or connections then your achievements are greater than those we watch from afar who did start from a better place than yourself.

We are not broken but we might think we are if we keep comparing ourselves to the stars of the media circus. Rejoice in yourself not cower in someone else's shadow.

Simple words with a powerful meaning

I was watching a programme on Jimi Hendrix, the guitarist, on the BBC recently and I was listening to his brother talking about parts of their life together when he said, "We thought life was fantastic, I didn't know we were poor."

I don't think that sentence requires any further explanation. It is brilliant in its simplicity. How often do we measure something inside us with some external reference in order to check that we are ok?

What do you think? Is life "fantastic", or do you check, for example, to see if you have enough money before you can answer that? 

Turn it upside down

A little over a week ago one of my NLP (neuro linguistic programming) group of friends came across a web site that was entitled "The 7 Steps to Highly Effective Hating!"
They had found it at the web site: http://www.pe2000.com/NLP_model_hatred.htm

The seven steps are:
Step 1. Look through your own eyes only
Step 2. Keep it simple with 'black-and-white' thinking
Step 3. Avoid being objective
Step 4. Carefully select your evidence
Step 5. Avoid critical thinking
Step 6. Talk! Don't listen!
Step 7. Goad them into over-reacting

Now this all looks like a bit of fun, and it is, but how many of us take some or all of these steps until we realise that we are doing it! I am commited to being aware but there are times I catch myself doing one of the hating steps. Stay aware and stop as soon as you notice yourself taking any of the above steps.

As a positive exercise our NLP group decided we could go through the above steps and turn the whole thing on its head and therefore come up with "The 7 Steps to Highly Effective Loving!"

I made notes at the time and have since mislaid them, so I will do this from memory.

Step 1. Look at the world through others eyes as often as you can.
Step 2. Think wisely and allow yourself to see all sides.
Step 3. Work at being objective and seeing things through others perspectives.
Step 4. Select from a broad range of evidence.
Step 5. Allow your thoughts to be swayed by others point of view.
Step 6. Listen and find out what others are thinking and meaning.
Step 7. Ask honest and open questions in a non judgmental way.

I think you can see how this simple exercise can direct us toward a better way of living.

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Events and what you think they mean

When some thing happens to you or an event takes place that affects you, it is how you think about the event and how you feel it affects you, not the event itself that makes you feel a certain way.

The next time something happens to you and you react in a certain way ask yourself why you responded that way. Think about different meanings the event could have? Why did you choose the one you did?

You find very quickly that there are several different interpretations you could have put on the event. You see the meaning of the event it is not written on a tablet of stone. The event can be interpreted different ways.

I think you have a choice. You may go straight to the meaning of an event because you usually respond that way. Say for example something as simple as a friend not returning a call. As soon as a certain time has elapsed you start thinking that the friend in question no longer values the friendship. You begin to run negative scenarios through your mind "they always respond to so-and-so, it’s just me they don't like..." In actuality it may be that the friend has gone away for the weekend and returns your call when they return. The event itself is neutral it is the way we interpret it that gives it meaning.

It tells us a lot about ourselves so the next time something happens be aware of your reaction. Ask yourself why you reacted that way and what other alternative explanations might there be to a particular event.
You might just surprise yourself.
The next step is to see the event as neutral and either interpret it so it is useful to you, or just don't attach a negative response to it. I'll talk about ways of doing that at some other time.

Here's one of my favourite messages

Instead of saying to yourself "WHAT IF" (it rains, he or she doesn't like me, I get it wrong etc) try saying "SO WHAT" for a change. See how different that makes you feel about your worries.

Today read this, tomorrow do it.

A few years ago I used to wake up in the morning and very soon I would be worrying how I would be dealing with 'awkward' people and situations as I perceived them. I would run negative scenarios through my head, what would go wrong, how would I deal with it? Would the people I had difficulties with personally get in the way of the resolution I wanted? All this thinking really achieved was to put me in a negative state for most of the day, irrespective of what actually happened in my day.
Think negative things can happen in your day and you are probably right.
Think positive things can happen in your day and you are probably right.
I now know what is the right way to start my day.
I wake up and now think what can I do today to make things better. That thought is so empowering. I feel more refreshed immediately. Sure people do things I don't understand but that no longer makes me think there is something wrong with them. Anyway, now I can ask, instead of making something up in my head and letting that control my feelings.
My request to you the next time you wake up is to ask what can I do today to make things better and see how that transforms your day.